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How to Make and Fly the Rocket INRI — a therapeutic manual in detail
Zeitschrift Umělec
Jahrgang 2004, 1
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How to Make and Fly the Rocket INRI — a therapeutic manual in detail

Zeitschrift Umělec 2004/1


Zdeněk Perský | full happiness | en cs

One time, Persian’s cellmate managed to see the invisible — the most real world. When he finally understood his cell, the dirty and cold chamber transformed into a
beautiful scented garden full of colors and life. But Persian was able to change his cell
into the central capsule of the cosmic ship INRI.
At night, when you sit on the lower bunk, you see only sky and stars through the window. Now take your mattress and make a cosmic cabin. Extend a cord from the toilet flusher, which is tied to the handle of a plunger, and stick it through your tin locker. Wrap the plunger’s handle in the aluminum foil you saved from the chocolate bars, so that now you have an original throttle for laser propulsion. Put a plastic bucket on your head as an astronaut’s helmet. Make two openings in the bucket, and size two liver paste tins, open on both ends, to fit in the holes. Cut a small ring out of the plastic foam in your headrest, and glue it or stick it to the sharp edge of the tin where your eyes will be pressing, and now you can look through the tunnels of liver paste tins. On the other side, shape the edges into a rectangle, and stick them through the openings in the bucket. When you put the bucket over your head, you feel like you’re looking through a digital periscope. Cover one tin with cellophane and draw code lines on it. Leave the other tin clear. In the bottom of the bucket make another opening, big enough to fit a pork can, once again open at both ends for emergency ejection. Cut the bucket handle in half and weld shampoo caps to the ends, and you have two levers that work like knipl.1 Fasten your tea-strainer, or something similar, to the knipl and you have an intergalactic microphone with a laser scanner and transmitter. Thoroughly scrub your toilet seat and throw it around your neck as a cosmic parachute.
Nanotechnology. Another spaceship with another toilet seat is compacted down inside. You could never wreck this ship. Tie a Coke bottle around yourself as an oxygen tank that will last 113 years. Fill it with water and tie a shirtsleeve to the neck of the bottle oxygen tank. Cut off the neck of another bottle and put it in your mouth. Then tie the other end of the sleeve to the mouthpiece. There is a DNA nutrient in the mixture. As well as 200 mg of Kalikor;2 otherwise you wouldn’t survive the time travel through three-dimensional space. Wear rubber gloves; you can get them in prison. If you can glue aluminum foil to them, even better. This is enough. Set the radio to no station so that it sounds untuned. So that it peeps and screeches. Finally get two old loaves of bread and cut them so that you can slip your feet inside. Just stick them in and you have yourself some space boots. But never try this with challa, the plaits in the bread will betray you. Not funny at all.
Now sit in the chair made from the mattress. Don’t forget that there is an antimatter system in your boots. Don’t be afraid, no one can destroy you. There is also a decoder of magnetic poles. It has been there since September 9, 1999. That is the latest equipment to come from Marocius space technology.3 It has the ability to recognize and identify exactly where you are. Whether you’re in a black or white hole in outer space. Voice activation switches them from gravitation to levitation, and you can enter a black or white hole. While there you have 100 percent balance on all the waves and pressures. The horizontal periscope Patetin can automatically switch itself into a vertical position. Everything is voice controlled. The red visuals, they show a reverse view. See the red flames of the spaceship between the stars?
There is only one way to start up the ship. Take the microphone in hand, repeat the activation code and the untuned radio gives you the applications in Morse Code. Pull back the plunger, which is tied to the toilet flusher, and with the flow of the toilet the rocket blasts off. When you no longer hear the sound of flushing you are already 333 light-years away from planet Earth. This is the standard travel time for the second phase of propulsion flight.
Now look through the periscope, drive the spaceship with the knipl, craning your head to the side to see your planet as a star in the heavens. Do you realize how far you are from your cell in Pankrác Prison! All your problems have crumbled like dry bread. At that moment your entire record, the investigators, state attorney, chief justice, the sentence and so on also break up into insignificant, unimportant debris. Now you see and feel your existence in a spaceship somewhere far away. Everything is funny and your body starts to receive even more intensive feelings than in virtual reality, because this is no virtual reality. It is an unreal reality; it is more real than virtual reality. You are right inside the brain, alive, in the full gunfire of responsibility. No simulation, computer inanimate program with a vibration helmet, vest and gloves. This is the fire, the real state of mystical alchemy. A real vibration roars through your entire body. You are beyond the boundaries of silence, this is far beyond the boundaries of fantasy. The deceit is so deep that it has deceived even the original source of the deceit. Which means that it is no longer deceit, but an over-deceit become non-deceit. Simply the intensity and depth of the deceit has changed its structure with such powerful effect that the whole deceit has burned itself out and changed into an a-relative reality. It’s like when you toss a sugar cube into hot tea. The sugar dissolves and disappears. Where is the sugar? In the tea or in the water? When I burn it with fire it evaporates in the same way — water, sugar, tea into emptiness. It is impossible to distinguish in the emptiness where sugar, tea and water are.
Now what should you do? Can you look for what was there a moment ago. No. You know exactly where it is. Nothing disappears from this space, one structure only changes into another. The visible into the invisible. Whatever changes into whatever, it can never be separated from existence. In the spaceship INRI it is impossible to distinguish deceit from truth. The egoless state, meaning an empty floppy disk without a program. There is no lie, there is no truth. It is purely neutral. You only watch the happenings around you. You don’t explain anything, as you were taught to, that blue is blue, yellow is yellow, this is square, this is round, this is good, this is bad. You have simply deleted yourself and became clean, like a baby. But with the experience and knowledge of an adult who doesn’t touch a hot oven, because he knows — not through reason, but through intelligence. Therefore you don’t have to use reason as it is programmed on the disk. Intelligence itself works where it wants to. The truth and lie become what the intelligence wants it to become. The stream of energy confirms this as my witness, so when I fly in a spaceship, I really fly.
You have truly deceived your brain and it works just as it has been set up to, according to your wishes, just like the emperor of Persia. Your servants, your body and senses, are at your beck and call.
The space boot technology is top of the line Marocius system made by the aliens of planet Hádes. It creates energy from everything around it. It can change dust and the gas into nutrients. Looking at the microphone, whose laser beam is nine thousand times faster than the speed of light, you can’t believe that the omilinston system was able to be masked as a simple tea-strainer. It seems impossible that it could be encoded so perfectly. A wolf in sheep’s clothing. The little basket has a satellite, beyond galactic and even atomic effect, which determines with perfect accuracy everything that is or is not in space. It is so small that nanotechnology is huge by comparison. It simply shows you a point of view that is not from the other side. It is a joint point of view. It turns on the principle of the joint, like nunchucks. You just flap it in any direction and every direction has its anti-direction and every anti-direction has a side-direction, and every side-direction has its equi-direction. There are billions of directions and possibilities.
There are special lines in space. Every end of a line is the beginning of a new line. It is prolonged into the last prolongation, which means from a prolongation to a non-prolongation. What is a method that has no method? It has shattered behind the method. Words fail to describe what is behind the method or terminology.
Being in this magical state, limited in your means of expression while at the same time describing something inexpressible, is very difficult for you. Words fall apart in describing what the flavor of vanilla ice-cream is like. You can utter millions of sugary words, but the experience will never be the same as tasting it. You won’t hear a word, but it will tell you exactly the taste of ice-cream. What is A.R. (a-relative reality)? I could tell you all about it, using millions of the most precise words, but none of them will touch exactly what it is like when you taste it. When you experience it for yourself.
I will try to describe what an A.R. parable is. Imagine that you have the power to fulfill all of your dreams. You enjoy it, until they begin to drain away. In time they are no longer the intense benefit that they were the beginning. They grow weaker and weaker and in the end they start to bore you. The boredom simmers, and you don’t know what to do. All the beautiful women in the world no longer give you what you got from them before. Now they are like wraiths to you. Dollars, you have millions of them, but their essence has changed, and they don’t make you rich, on the contrary, they prey on you. Wealth is worthless when you can have everything for free. You can materialize anything. Gold and money is just a useless burden. It disturbs the piloting of the ship, wears down your atomic clock. Everything that you materialize can’t be given to anyone, because you are too far from Earth. You are five light years from the red sky. You don’t move in a horizontal or vertical line of flight, but fall spinning into emptiness. You round one point of the outer space axis at such a high speed that you dense up until you disappear. In this lost space you materialize once again on the other side.
The spaceship INRI flies horizontally so that you get beyond the last space curve. Once there maneuver into a vertical position and you will complete your journey on the final wave. On the uncovered monitor appears the license plate number of the time and place in point-light code. If you can’t work it out, you will come to the time-space where you were previously. You put the knipl into the vertical position. The ship comes to a stop and once again you see the one-square-meter monitor which is the window of the Pankrác prison, without the window frame. The stars behind the bars are the point-light code. Every quadrangle of the bars is a monitor showing space in a circuit. Then you switch on the DRD (densely rotating directional), flush the toilet and with the knipl you cross levers. After you have rotated for the second time you will stop over the aircube.4 It’s time to land.
You move the knipl into the original position and slowly you land. You say into the microphone that you are activating the manual exploration function and you go exploring. Walk in small steps through your cell in your space suit. You have to use all your imagination, you are walking on a strange planet. Everything you touch, you know that this is the first time you are touching it, that you have never seen it before. You have to trick the CD in your head, the program called reason. If you are able to accomplish this, miracles will appear everywhere in the form of unimaginably infinite paths.
The microphone serves both as a handy periscope and video recorder. Film all the spaces you can see. Beware of your space boots. Voice control coverts them to allow you to ski in your cell. Fear not, you can also walk on your tiptoes. The Marocius system is jointed, so you can walk on your heels as well.
If you find a living creature lying on the upper bunk, don’t touch it. There are beings on the aircube that could offer resistance. The Maro system has in-built voice-activated narcotizing arrows. You say, “VANA, fire at the spot where the head is joined to the body.”
Never remove your helmet while on an aircube walk. Look at everything through the periscope. Be like a witness, watching the creature, the tattooed spaceman. If you hear him snoring, encode him using the laser beam. Look at the monitor and watch the light codes. They remind you of the starry night sky, like the zitty face of a teenager. Use the microphone and examine the space, put a periscope over the periscope and hold it like a magnifying glass. On the control bar of the little tea basket is the omilinston5 point, thought controlled. You can zoom out to galactic space.... or into the locker of the sleeping spaceman for a cookie.
Now stow the microphone and the periscope and just stand gaped-faced. Take a look at your Earth from the aircube. At this moment your body begins the process of creating deep compassion. You say things like: Oh how I wish I could be back on planet Earth, down there, at home, in my cell in Pankrác in prison. How happy I would be to see the bars and barriers again, the screws, thieves, the prison regime. Oh God, take me back there. I don’t want to have all my dreams fulfilled the moment I think of them. I want to be unequal, make mistakes, have problems, be in prison and wait, even for the death squad. That would be a reward from mister Sedláček. If only I could see one more time, the officer is his screw uniform in the morning, asking me. “Do you have anything to report?” And once again I could say: “Yes, this is a letter for my attorney.” And written there would be: Puráku, chyndím to do naku, tam si keroval džuvaka až ti vkidnu na dandy pochindíš se.6 As I give the letter to the screw, I say to myself: Take it away, you worm, and move it or I’ll kick your ass, you idiot covered in tin medals, just like a servant, the higher the rank the better.
While you scan the monitor and see Earth as a tiny speck in the sky, you think of your planet in prison and you are sad. Then you close your eyes, take off the spacesuit, throw it into you cellmate’s bed and go to sleep. Peacefully and calmly. You have just one wish: To wake up and be home on planet Earth, in prison. If you are really sincere and honest, it will come true. If you cheat, it won’t come true and you’ll wake up somewhere in aircube. In the morning, when the prison hooter blasts, don’t open your eyes but try to imagine how your cell should look. Imagine it down to the tiniest detail. The ceiling has an arch that looks like Russian bread. The width, the height, color, locker, where you want to put the sink. The door with no handle, window in the middle, and there is no periscope in the door or window but an ordinary slot. The window is barred. For security reasons there is the chain-link fence. The light is shaped like a big pizza, but to protect it you wish it to be barred off. For the last time you visualize company, a tattooed monster, a fifteen-time offender. You color him in your thoughts, how you want him to look. You blow into the emptiness to give him life and at the moment you open your eyes you look at each other face to face, as you have pictured him in your thoughts. You will have a strange relationship with him, as if a stone sculpture had come alive. You see before you a miracle that has no right to exist but does. A statue has transformed into a human being. Just before you give it life, you encode the script and insert it into him so that the little monster cannot decode it. Whatever he says, you are certain, is exactly what is on the CD you have inserted into his head. He says exactly what he should say, and he reacts in a like manner. What happens is up to you. He is the last one. He doesn’t know anything about it, doesn’t speak or react to you. He doesn’t even know that he exists. He has never understood that life was breathed into him. He thinks he was born as it says in his birth certificate.
It is funny when someone takes a joke seriously, and then you open your eyes and you stare around like extra-terrestrials. Everything has materialized down to the finest details. The arches are as you wished. The linoleum is red, the door no handle, window in the middle, there’s the viewing slot. Your entire alphabet of visual images and wishes have come true. You think, this must be some trick. You can’t believe it, how perfectly it came true. You didn’t expect such perfection. The perfect width of the bars and shit even the number is exactly right. Six vertical square bars embedded in concrete in the windows, and two horizontal ones. And now, a complete miracle, the little wire basket sieve has, no joke, 28 vertical wires and 23 horizontal ones — a total of 644 squares. Says the Casio calculator. These squares enable me to gaze into freedom, my rightful Sabbath which has been divided 644 times. When I punch the number 24 into the calculator, as a symbol of the start and end of the day, and divide it by 644 the display reveals a miracle of accuracy, the number 0.037267. I don’t know what this means in mathematics; I don’t know what it is called, a diviner or something... I don’t know what to call it; they didn’t teach us this word in our special ed. classes. I know for a fact that these numbers don’t stand for a mathematical formula, but the prophetic pattern Persius. The encrypted Persian hovers over mathematics like a star. He has no need for it. Calculators need it to serve the masters. The Persian only punches the numbered nipples and the display shows him how many numbers come out of his groping. The law of magic gives you a result that accords with the patterns of prophesy, and better logic you will never find.

1 knipl, control levers.
2 Kalikor, a drug for fatigue, used to “cut gingerbread” or dilute the effects of the drug pervitine, a methamphetamine.
3 Marocius, a made-up word based on the word “maro,” meaning bread in Romanese.
4 Aircube, a compound of “air” and “cube,” the author is referring to the fourth dimension.
5 Omilinston, the best masking technology. Within a usual thing is hidden an unusual thing. Author’s own term.
6 Romany for “You scum bag, I’m going to shit in your face. You really fucked it up, and I’m gonna kick the fucking crap out of you.”


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